Why We Fail As Muslims

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We were on the way back to kampong for raya when my mom saw rubbish piling up in a neighbourhood next to ours. The majority that live in that neighbourhood and mine are Malays, whom are muslims obviously. Right from that my mom and dad discussed about the lack of Islamic approach in our society. Cleanliness is a part of iman .

“When they give talks,it is all about politics. Politics , politics , politics. They seldom touch about akhlaq or other things . “

I found this so true. You see sometimes I go to pray at the mosque and dang, they always talking about politics. I like politics but when I go to listen to talks after Maghrib , I want to listen to beautiful stories, lessons how to be a better muslim not political shits where you condemn others and spread the hatred. I want intellectual discussions , not some guy in jubah and ketayap screaming words and bashing other political party and say people who vote for the said party will enter hell.

I was educated at a religious school for my secondary education . If in west they have Christian high school , in Malaysia we have maahad (another name used for Islamic school). But it was prohibited in my school to give politics talks . I learnt so many wonderful things there . About my faith , the principle in Islam and how to adhere those in daily lives.

When I finished my high school , I got into asasi law . Since it is a preparatory for law schools , we had so many heated arguments there. I have friends who support LGBTQ and think that it should be allowed in Malaysia to apostate. Of course , me being fresh out from maahad couldn’t relate nor comprehend with what is happening outside my bubble. I stayed in hostel for five years and only spent little time at home.

Now, 3 years after leaving maahad ; I could relate with what is happening to our society. We are muslims because we were born into this religion. Some of us didn’t bother to learn more or deeper about our faith . Some think that being muslim is enough with covering aurat , praying 5 times a day and fasting in Ramadan . Being a muslim means more than that. However , I am not writing this to tell you what does it mean to be a muslim.

I could understand now where and how Sister In Islam , Shafiqah Othman and Maryam Ler emerged. It was rooted from how we teach Islam to the youngsters. How we preached the religion . Some said that Islam is too restrictive , there are too many rules to be followed and they felt it is a burden to become muslims.

It is the approach that we take. We focus too much on what is haram to do , we keep telling people that you cannot do this and that . To the point it appears that Islam is a religion full of rules and restrictions . How does one enjoy life if there are too many things that cannot be done?

Yes , whilst writing this I am aware with the hadith saying that the world is a heaven to the non-muslims and a prison to muslims ; referring to the religious rules that we ought to abide.

The concern now is how we adhere the teachings in our daily lives , and how our own society perceive Islam. Is it a way of life or just mere traditions done by our grandmothers and grandfathers.

As for me , for three years I wonder what kind of muslim I want to be. Referring to the clothes and how I bring myself as a person. Most of my teachers in maahad are strict , some of them are really sceptical towards those who choose not to don wide hijab and those who choose not to wear according to their standards. I am one of those who choose not to ,hehe . But of course when I went there I tried to wear the most appropriate clothes I could. Still , I wasn’t able to escape from some observant eyes , hence making me as the example of what we call failed products of maahad . You see, in my school we really really really take aurat seriously . After living in the outside world , I choose to be who I am today . Not too strict but not too loose either , I choose to be in the middle because it suits me best , it suits my personality and the kind of person I want to be.

To be identified as a muslim is honourable. Acknowlegding Islam as the way of life is a pride . Trying to adhere the teachings to the daily life is challenging.

So , what kind of approach do you wish for our teachers , our preachers , our ministers to take to make people, especially the youth fall in love with Islam and wish to practise it as a way of life rather just mere traditions?

p/s : I am trying to get my hands on Letters to a Young Muslim . I heard so many good reviews about the book and I believe it is the book that I can relate and appreciate well.

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I Have Finished My First Year in UPM!

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I have just finished my first year in UPM a few days ago. I was actually thinking to write the blog post when I was in the bus,on the way back to Kedah but unfortunately I fell asleep and woke up for buka puasa and resumed back my sleep after that. I was only awake when we entered Kulim ,to text my dad my whereabout. We can only plan,but God will decide…hehe

By the way now I am sitting on jati chair,it is raining outside.My brother let the sliding door opened so the wind come blowing inside. I also could listen to the engine motor noise from the road,accompanied by the sound of thunder. Alhamdulillah. This is so therapeutic . I am listening to 4 O’Clock by Rap Mon and V . I am a newborn Army thanks to Bibi lmao.

Anyways,back to finishing the first year. What do I feel? How does it change me as a person? How much did I learn? Do I make many friends? Do I lose some friends too?

Reading French in UPM was my first choice in UPU. I remembered that it was in one of my childhood’s dream to go to France or Spain to study French or Spanish. However despite scoring 10As in SPM, I was doomed. MARA unfortunately no longer sponsor for those programs. I did bad during my interview, I didn’t get scholarship for tertiary education. Because I am always interested in law and legal stuffs,I went to read law in UiTM. Well,not really read law haha. I got into Law Foundation in UiTM. And boi,I had blast alhamdulillah. I think it was the first time in my life I got to meet and befriend with like-minded people. However when deciding what I wanted to major in university, I got torn between reading law or French. I put German as my second choice,just so and law in my third choice because we had to fill in 12 choices Allahu. I decided to go with my childhood’s dream ,to read French, to become a writer, to have my own TV show, to be a journalist, to run a lingerie business and to make friends with people from all over the world.

God know best. Despite getting closer to my dream and got my first choice. I was not happy. I am now. But in my first semester I was so upset. I had a friendship break up. I lost a friend I always confided in. I lost my will to fight and to excel. Lucky me I had my asasi friends who are very supportive of me. I thought of dropping out and applied for Law UiTM or Law UM. At least I have asasi friends there.

Nonetheless, I persevered and fighted with the demon inside. I went to meet counsellor and had sessions with him. I talked to my parents and sister about this. I discussed with my friends I made back in college. I am going to do this.

The reason why I wanted to quit is because this wasn’t what I expected I would be facing and experience. When I got the offer, I was thankful and imagined my classmates would be those who read Dickens to sleep. I was wrong. Only three of us chose this as first choice in UPU, for others it was their 2nd,and even 12th! Upon knowing that, I thought to myself … Damnn I applied first for kos lelong. Kos lelong is course in which there’s no much hope to work with the degree or it is when UPU threw incompetent people into. I was wrong. Of course.

It is up to you to make the best of everything, if I went for law ; would I be happy? If it is for the prestige and glam ,it didn’t stay long. Reading law is tough. To be working in legal field is even tougher. Reading French, I would say is bearable. It is not too many compared to law. I wouldn’t excel if I were to read law. Because I know that I am person of passion , I could only do it if I have passion in it. Money- wise , I will need to work really hard to earn a lot with this degree,since it is not professional. I will be graduating with Bachelor of Arts (: and I sincerely pray it will come with honors ,Allahumma ameen.

I think I learnt more about myself this one year. It is more about self-discovery . I learnt how to control my emotions more. I learnt whom to trust and whom to not. I learnt to not expect people to love you the way you love them . I learnt to get back,even after life been throwing shit . Life never gave me lemon for me to make lemonade,so far.

I have one regret this semester, I forgot to fill in borang pindah bilik and will be sharing the small room with four people. I will make sure I don’t forget to fill in the changing room form for single room next semester. I also hope to get JPA scholarship/loan next semester in sha Allah. If not JPA, please Bank Rakyat. Pray for me.

Always keep the faith. (:

 

What I Often Think

My future

My weight

My grades

My parents

My family members

My financial situation

My mistakes,things I wish I could do differently

 

What I rarely think of,but sometimes hits me

My sins

My deeds

Will I get to heaven if I die at this instance

 

This year’s Ramadan I get to celebrate at home.Alhamdulillah.I wish we will find some peace during 2017 Ramadan.Don’t let go this special month of prayers and charity.There’s no other month like Ramadan.Pray hard,read Al-Quran (I should start doing this tooo) and you know,just spend more time than you actually do with Him.

Dunya takes too much space in my heart.I want my faith to stay here,deep inside,unwavered.In sha Allah ameen.

What Happens After You Are Hurt 

Nobody wants to experience the aftermath of a failed relationship with someone one really love. However, the world doesn’t really hear our plea at times and decided to throw shit so that we know we ain’t walking on a bed of roses. 

What happens after you are hurt? 

Right after the relationship ends, you won’t be sad immediately. You will feel anger surging inside. You will feel hatred all over your heart. You hate the person for not valuing you. You will hate that person for not loving you the way you love him/her. You will hate that person for not fighting over you and you… Will ultimately hating her/him for walking away and never turning back. 

Next, you will feel incredibly sad. Sadness will haunt you at night. Self-pity, self -loathe. You will start degrading yourself. What is wrong with you that she/he left. Why? Am I not good enough? Why wouldn’t you contact me anymore? What’s with all our memories together? Gone with the wind? 

Afterwards, you will feel resentment. After those nights crying yourself to sleep, you are done. You are done will this shit. Damn her. Damn him. You don’t even deserve me. Don’t ever come back. 

Next is bitterness. The worst phase where you just no longer be able to give yourself fully. You see a happy couple, or you could think of is; they are gonna break up. When there is a new person approaching you; the past will start playing back in front of you; like slide show with sad background music. It will all gonna be the same. They will leave me, at the end. 

You might as well seek for counseling if this happens to you. We all deserve second chance of happiness. Don’t let the past dictate your happiness. Don’t let one bad apple to ruin you whole life. You have many more years to explore your life. Don’t bring along this chapter of your life. Burry it somewhere far, somewhere distant. Get professional help to do so. Face it. Don’t sweep it off under the carpet. Deal with it. Read this chapter out loud and then close it and never ever read it. 

Memories With Sekretariat Akademik Kolej 12,UPM Sesi 16/17

Pheww.I better post now,or I am never writing about this,ever again.Me and my lazy bum.Well not lazy,just demotivated 😛

As we all know,I get stucked with academic stuffs ever since school because I dislike the sunshine much and I rather type long-ass report rather than marching under the hot scorching Kedah sun.Kedah is hawt,like,literally hawt.I am thankful I am now studying in Selangor for that matter,hihu.

So I was the secretary and I kept writing letters with errors on them!Ugh.So annoying.

Before jumping to the serious points,I’d like to say that degree life is so different compared to asasi life.Really.I cannot do thing I love that often.Sometimes because of the time restriction,the strength to do it,the geography ,and lack of friends….well the last one sound made-up hehe.I am just trying to gain sympathy from asasi friends who are still studying with other asasi friends (lucky ugh).

  1. I no longer do make up,that much.I am so lazy.And I have 8AM classes,I sleep at 4AM and wake up at 7AM and daa….sempatkah??? Apart from that,I don’t have Marsya to put make up on me..sobs  T_T

2. I don’t do anything crazy..anymore.I am so well-behaved and I don’t like it.In previous uni,I did :

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panjat pagar mawar tengah malam
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panjat menara engineering at 3am 

3. Modelling HAHAHAHA Because the walls aren’t that pretty.But I did some photoshoots (HAHAHAHA) at Rumah Tradisional,wearing traditional clothes.

prolly the kayu-est model wannabe you have ever met in your entire existence XD

And so many other fun things I’d rather keep to myself.Anyway my first year as a degree student life is a serious one.Reminding me of my alma mater years.Ah well,the lecturers in asasi pampered us too much.

Let’s get started !

*Get started to what*

KRIKK KRIKKK KRIKKK

After the Minggu Destini Siswa ended,my MTMs told us that we needed to join 3 sekretariats.I chose academics,entrepreneur and sports ; the same as my then bff,Atirah.Later we went to academics meeting and I was voted to be the secretary and she,as the treasurer.We were to handle a program that was new to UPM.Spill Ink Not Blood.It was previously done by the UiTM Lendu students and we would like to introduce the same program,with the same name to UPM as well.Kewl,isn’t it?

Honestly,I believe that people voted me to be the secretary because I wear glasses and look like a nerd….Yeah whatevs.

Our first program was Penblade where we had to teach elementary kids English.It was a collaboration with Englishjer and Projek Ihsan.It was held at Surau Hamideen,Seksyen 19,Shah Alam. (I LOVE SHAH ALAM)

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The next program is  Aphabeats ,but it was handled amongst the third year and second year.As Dayah put it “Izat and his gang” XD

The third program and the only program handled by us,the first years ; Spill Ink Not Blood!!

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It was super tiring,I tell you,handling program.We have to do many stuffs.From paperworks to dealing with the kerenah birokrasi,having your proposal/letters rejected and having to redo it and with some of the committee members acting up ; not giving much commitment. Eg ; going to IOI when we  freaking need to do rehearsel.Ended up we didn’t do the rehearsal,and they were not many commitee members showing faces when we were busily preparing for the program in the evening..The decorations hadn’t finished and honestly I was so devastated when not many showed up.Those who didn’t show up because they had classes,I don’t mind.But those who didn’t have classes yet didn’t show up…well…I just hope everyone learn their lessons.The reason why I am typing this,is because I want my readers to know this possibly happens when you handle program and to stay strong it it happens hehe #beringatsebelumkena

Alhamdulillah the program went well and the responses were overwhelming.When I heard those sweet responses,I felt immensely proud of my team!We did it!!!!

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But it was fun 🙂 I am not typing this to make me look like a positive vibrant person who always look at life from angel’s point of view.But I realised and learnt many things whilst preparing for the program.I learnt soft skills,of which,I heard is something that employers looking for in their employees these days. Dear future employer,if you happened to read my public blog ,please know that I love doing works and working with humans (computers and printer as well).

I learnt how to negotiate and convince people.I learnt not to mix my personal issues with my professional work.I learn to stay calm ; even when I knew I messed things up.I learn to accept that I am flawed,and need to redo my works and hand it on time.I learnt to talk with people,professionally,over the phone.I learnt to talk to people with powers. (you know,superiors?) I learn that miscommunication always happens,and when it happens ;you shouldn’t be too hard on it.Shit happens.Handle with it with style.

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thanks Dayah for the write up…hehe

 

The last program we had is English Drama.I was in the techincal team.It was..tiring as well.Eventhough I didn’t do much ; I was still tired.HAHA.

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Halia is the director,I tagged along because “we wear the same shirt”

To wrap things up : we went for dinner at Pizza Hut,IOI.Fully sponsored by our beloved MTMs ; Dayah and Izat. Well Bro Izat.He hates when I call him ‘bro’ because it makes him feel old #oldfart but I will keep calling him that just to tease him…

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Finally,I would like to thank everyone who helps me and of course to my team. MTMs ; Hidayah and Izat.My members ; Wani Rajin,Halia,Atirah,Ammar and Adibah.Couldn’t make it without you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forgive me for my shortcomings,please! *juseyo*

Selamat ber- Leaders to future MTMs.

Dijah is signing off.

Buzzz…

Buzzzzzz…

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

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Don’t Lose The Child In You

I just found out that a friend has been talking behind my back and that shit hurts because to me talking behind a person’s back is the last thing I want to do. And of course since I thought she was a friend, she could be honest with me and tell me what I should fix about myself. Just throw words to my face, zero fuck will be given. 

So one of her complaints is that I am childish. 

Do you know one of the secret of enjoying your life? By not losing the child in you! The child in me is what keeping me alive and kicking. The child in me is what making me smile in euphoria and get me so excited. Oh well, some people love being adult that they cannot appreciate people who choose to keep the child in them! 

So I am listing down why the hell you need to keep the child in you alive. 

1. A CHILD IS CAREFREE

Adult has too many worries, I am still not an adult, but this phase of becoming an adult pressure me a lot that I always take sometimes to be carefree. For example I dance care freely in my room or go to the theme park wuhuu. 

2. A CHILD KEEPS NOTHING INSIDE 

Yes, kids are super honest. Adults should be like that as well. Germans are honest, why me as Malaysian cannot be honest and blunt as well? #culturaldifference 

One thing that I love the most about kids is that they hide nothing, and sometimes they make it obvious that they are hiding something. Always ask for  someone honest for answers, like me. Oh only if you don’t mind asking from a childish person. #burn

 3. A CHILD IS HAPPY, AND HE DOES NOT NEED REASON FOR IT. 

It is so easy to satisfy a child. For example ,I have my brother, Imran of whom once said ‘what a wonderful life to stay inside an air-conditioning room while drinking fresh milk’. 

I am surprised how it is difficult for me to feel content and happy these days. We should really not lose the children in us who aren’t difficult to be pleased (:

Of course, you don’t need an particular reason to be happy. Living itself should make you happy. 

4. A CHILD IS SO CURIOUS 

That one thing we are losing.. The curiosity of a child. Wondering about how this thing works and that thing works. Exploring the possibilities of the world. Never trade your curiosity for anything in this world. Keep it. 

Above all keep the child in you, regardless of what people say, don’t lose it. Don’t lose the child in you and be happy! 

On Life,Death,Longingness,Loneliness and Punishment of Goblin;The Lonely and Great God.

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What more can you expect from a drama written by Kim Eun Sook who previously wrote scripts for Descendants of The Sun.Goblin is a big-budgeted drama starred by Gong Yoo,Kim Go Eun,Kim Dongwook and Yoon In-Na.When I said big budget..the budget is really big.From the cinematography,to the OSTs,props,clothes and CGI ; the producers are indeed invested a lot in this drama and the result is not disappointing.Goblin topped the chart in Korea and is extremely popular among K-drama enthusiasts.

Wow.I sound like Allkpop now.

Basically we have two couples in here,Kim Shin (Goblin) and Eun Tak,Wangyeo (Grim Reaper) and Sunny (Sunny not Sun-hee).Goblin and Eun Tak’s love is the sad love as Eun Tak had wished in the earlier episode and Grim Reaper and Sunny’s love is the sad one as well.Thank god we have Goblin and Grim reaper’s bromance to lift up the mood in this drama!

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first meeting of Euntak and Kim Shin

The most beautiful thing about the drama is the way it portrays the sacred life and death flawlessly.The most precious gift that we are blessed is our ardent desire to live.

Death and Life.

As someone who has epiphany for death & life related piece,this piece of arts touches my heart.Goblin has already died but then came back to life and lived in agony for 900 years until he met his bride,Eun Tak.Later,he lived in between death and life for 9 lonely years in the tundra (this I would elaborate later in longiness).

In the last episode it was revealed that grim reaper is someone who has committed biggest sin of which is taking one’s own life ; committing suicide.Their punishment is to be neither living nor dead,and to usher countless people in deaths.Although they have no memories and names but they still need food and home to live in.

Grim reaper stated he was searching for answers, when one day it occurred to him:

“That the things we’d given up—our names, the lives we threw away—were the very things I began to want. That when we long for life desperately, our punishment may be over.”

South Korea is ranked among the highest number of suicides in the world.And there this drama talking about wanting back the lives once they threw away is when their punishments are over.I hope the viewers who are depressed and suicidal will cease to appreciate life after they watch this drama.

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“My sister,my friend,and my bride have all left.And as always,I am alone.”

 

Longingness,loneliness and punishment.

The days where Goblin longs for Euntak…

The days where Grim reaper longs for Sunny…

The days where Euntak longs for Goblin …the sudden pain she felt in her heart where she didn’t know why she felt that way,what memories she had lost,who and what.

The days where Sunny longs for grim reaper…we all thought she had forgotten all her memories when grim reaper kissed her and wished her happy ending.

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In all honesty,I sobbed when Sunny drafted her letter and sent it to radio station.That was when everyone realised that Sunny had indeed still have her memory intact.God wanted to grant her oblivion but she was too proud,saying  that in her place even God had to pour himself his water.Aigoo gurl.

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” We won’t see each other again in this lifetime”

She loved him with all her heart,but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him in this lifetime.Hence she left him because it was the greatest punishment she could give to him.It is the punishment of loneliness and longingness.Sunny’s parting from Grim reaper made him a sobbing mess.He bawled his eyes out in the room,and even Goblin’s cute veggies didn’t make him any better.

In this world,love and pain are strongly connected.You cannot love without feeling the pain.Sometimes instead of being with the person you treasure the most,you have to choose the painful path ; walking away.

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Finally they met again the next lifetime where the waiting is short and the meeting is long

The punishment for Goblin is that he had to live forever.At first he had to live and wait for his bride to be born to pull out the sword from his chest but later,in his longiness for Eun Tak he begged the almighty to let him live forever so that he can meet with Euntak and live happily with her with her remaining 3 lives.

People,the hardest punishment,I believe is the one given to Goblin.For 900 years he had to live in loneliness and watched his servants/acquaintances died.After 900 years he met his bride and it is either him or his bride die,he chose to die but he also refused to die.He got stuck in the tundra for 9 years,longing for Euntak.Because everything is white and Goblin had walked for miles,sometimes he walked backwards just to see his own footprints.

Imagine,being the one who lives and watching people you love come and go.

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meeting again in Euntak’s second life

This is the drama you want to watch if you want to sob,laugh,smile and ponder on the beauty of love and life particularly.Everything is very detailed carefully planned.I cannot spot any flaws.

And,Goblin and Grim reaper in this drama are extremely good-looking ; you won’t get that in other place!

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Till then,

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