What Happens After You Are Hurt 

Nobody wants to experience the aftermath of a failed relationship with someone one really love. However, the world doesn’t really hear our plea at times and decided to throw shit so that we know we ain’t walking on a bed of roses. 

What happens after you are hurt? 

Right after the relationship ends, you won’t be sad immediately. You will feel anger surging inside. You will feel hatred all over your heart. You hate the person for not valuing you. You will hate that person for not loving you the way you love him/her. You will hate that person for not fighting over you and you… Will ultimately hating her/him for walking away and never turning back. 

Next, you will feel incredibly sad. Sadness will haunt you at night. Self-pity, self -loathe. You will start degrading yourself. What is wrong with you that she/he left. Why? Am I not good enough? Why wouldn’t you contact me anymore? What’s with all our memories together? Gone with the wind? 

Afterwards, you will feel resentment. After those nights crying yourself to sleep, you are done. You are done will this shit. Damn her. Damn him. You don’t even deserve me. Don’t ever come back. 

Next is bitterness. The worst phase where you just no longer be able to give yourself fully. You see a happy couple, or you could think of is; they are gonna break up. When there is a new person approaching you; the past will start playing back in front of you; like slide show with sad background music. It will all gonna be the same. They will leave me, at the end. 

You might as well seek for counseling if this happens to you. We all deserve second chance of happiness. Don’t let the past dictate your happiness. Don’t let one bad apple to ruin you whole life. You have many more years to explore your life. Don’t bring along this chapter of your life. Burry it somewhere far, somewhere distant. Get professional help to do so. Face it. Don’t sweep it off under the carpet. Deal with it. Read this chapter out loud and then close it and never ever read it. 

Memories With Sekretariat Akademik Kolej 12,UPM Sesi 16/17

Pheww.I better post now,or I am never writing about this,ever again.Me and my lazy bum.Well not lazy,just demotivated 😛

As we all know,I get stucked with academic stuffs ever since school because I dislike the sunshine much and I rather type long-ass report rather than marching under the hot scorching Kedah sun.Kedah is hawt,like,literally hawt.I am thankful I am now studying in Selangor for that matter,hihu.

So I was the secretary and I kept writing letters with errors on them!Ugh.So annoying.

Before jumping to the serious points,I’d like to say that degree life is so different compared to asasi life.Really.I cannot do thing I love that often.Sometimes because of the time restriction,the strength to do it,the geography ,and lack of friends….well the last one sound made-up hehe.I am just trying to gain sympathy from asasi friends who are still studying with other asasi friends (lucky ugh).

  1. I no longer do make up,that much.I am so lazy.And I have 8AM classes,I sleep at 4AM and wake up at 7AM and daa….sempatkah??? Apart from that,I don’t have Marsya to put make up on me..sobs  T_T

2. I don’t do anything crazy..anymore.I am so well-behaved and I don’t like it.In previous uni,I did :

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panjat pagar mawar tengah malam
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panjat menara engineering at 3am 

3. Modelling HAHAHAHA Because the walls aren’t that pretty.But I did some photoshoots (HAHAHAHA) at Rumah Tradisional,wearing traditional clothes.

prolly the kayu-est model wannabe you have ever met in your entire existence XD

And so many other fun things I’d rather keep to myself.Anyway my first year as a degree student life is a serious one.Reminding me of my alma mater years.Ah well,the lecturers in asasi pampered us too much.

Let’s get started !

*Get started to what*

KRIKK KRIKKK KRIKKK

After the Minggu Destini Siswa ended,my MTMs told us that we needed to join 3 sekretariats.I chose academics,entrepreneur and sports ; the same as my then bff,Atirah.Later we went to academics meeting and I was voted to be the secretary and she,as the treasurer.We were to handle a program that was new to UPM.Spill Ink Not Blood.It was previously done by the UiTM Lendu students and we would like to introduce the same program,with the same name to UPM as well.Kewl,isn’t it?

Honestly,I believe that people voted me to be the secretary because I wear glasses and look like a nerd….Yeah whatevs.

Our first program was Penblade where we had to teach elementary kids English.It was a collaboration with Englishjer and Projek Ihsan.It was held at Surau Hamideen,Seksyen 19,Shah Alam. (I LOVE SHAH ALAM)

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The next program is  Aphabeats ,but it was handled amongst the third year and second year.As Dayah put it “Izat and his gang” XD

The third program and the only program handled by us,the first years ; Spill Ink Not Blood!!

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It was super tiring,I tell you,handling program.We have to do many stuffs.From paperworks to dealing with the kerenah birokrasi,having your proposal/letters rejected and having to redo it and with some of the committee members acting up ; not giving much commitment. Eg ; going to IOI when we  freaking need to do rehearsel.Ended up we didn’t do the rehearsal,and they were not many commitee members showing faces when we were busily preparing for the program in the evening..The decorations hadn’t finished and honestly I was so devastated when not many showed up.Those who didn’t show up because they had classes,I don’t mind.But those who didn’t have classes yet didn’t show up…well…I just hope everyone learn their lessons.The reason why I am typing this,is because I want my readers to know this possibly happens when you handle program and to stay strong it it happens hehe #beringatsebelumkena

Alhamdulillah the program went well and the responses were overwhelming.When I heard those sweet responses,I felt immensely proud of my team!We did it!!!!

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But it was fun 🙂 I am not typing this to make me look like a positive vibrant person who always look at life from angel’s point of view.But I realised and learnt many things whilst preparing for the program.I learnt soft skills,of which,I heard is something that employers looking for in their employees these days. Dear future employer,if you happened to read my public blog ,please know that I love doing works and working with humans (computers and printer as well).

I learnt how to negotiate and convince people.I learnt not to mix my personal issues with my professional work.I learn to stay calm ; even when I knew I messed things up.I learn to accept that I am flawed,and need to redo my works and hand it on time.I learnt to talk with people,professionally,over the phone.I learnt to talk to people with powers. (you know,superiors?) I learn that miscommunication always happens,and when it happens ;you shouldn’t be too hard on it.Shit happens.Handle with it with style.

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thanks Dayah for the write up…hehe

 

The last program we had is English Drama.I was in the techincal team.It was..tiring as well.Eventhough I didn’t do much ; I was still tired.HAHA.

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Halia is the director,I tagged along because “we wear the same shirt”

To wrap things up : we went for dinner at Pizza Hut,IOI.Fully sponsored by our beloved MTMs ; Dayah and Izat. Well Bro Izat.He hates when I call him ‘bro’ because it makes him feel old #oldfart but I will keep calling him that just to tease him…

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Finally,I would like to thank everyone who helps me and of course to my team. MTMs ; Hidayah and Izat.My members ; Wani Rajin,Halia,Atirah,Ammar and Adibah.Couldn’t make it without you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forgive me for my shortcomings,please! *juseyo*

Selamat ber- Leaders to future MTMs.

Dijah is signing off.

Buzzz…

Buzzzzzz…

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

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Don’t Lose The Child In You

I just found out that a friend has been talking behind my back and that shit hurts because to me talking behind a person’s back is the last thing I want to do. And of course since I thought she was a friend, she could be honest with me and tell me what I should fix about myself. Just throw words to my face, zero fuck will be given. 

So one of her complaints is that I am childish. 

Do you know one of the secret of enjoying your life? By not losing the child in you! The child in me is what keeping me alive and kicking. The child in me is what making me smile in euphoria and get me so excited. Oh well, some people love being adult that they cannot appreciate people who choose to keep the child in them! 

So I am listing down why the hell you need to keep the child in you alive. 

1. A CHILD IS CAREFREE

Adult has too many worries, I am still not an adult, but this phase of becoming an adult pressure me a lot that I always take sometimes to be carefree. For example I dance care freely in my room or go to the theme park wuhuu. 

2. A CHILD KEEPS NOTHING INSIDE 

Yes, kids are super honest. Adults should be like that as well. Germans are honest, why me as Malaysian cannot be honest and blunt as well? #culturaldifference 

One thing that I love the most about kids is that they hide nothing, and sometimes they make it obvious that they are hiding something. Always ask for  someone honest for answers, like me. Oh only if you don’t mind asking from a childish person. #burn

 3. A CHILD IS HAPPY, AND HE DOES NOT NEED REASON FOR IT. 

It is so easy to satisfy a child. For example ,I have my brother, Imran of whom once said ‘what a wonderful life to stay inside an air-conditioning room while drinking fresh milk’. 

I am surprised how it is difficult for me to feel content and happy these days. We should really not lose the children in us who aren’t difficult to be pleased (:

Of course, you don’t need an particular reason to be happy. Living itself should make you happy. 

4. A CHILD IS SO CURIOUS 

That one thing we are losing.. The curiosity of a child. Wondering about how this thing works and that thing works. Exploring the possibilities of the world. Never trade your curiosity for anything in this world. Keep it. 

Above all keep the child in you, regardless of what people say, don’t lose it. Don’t lose the child in you and be happy! 

On Life,Death,Longingness,Loneliness and Punishment of Goblin;The Lonely and Great God.

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What more can you expect from a drama written by Kim Eun Sook who previously wrote scripts for Descendants of The Sun.Goblin is a big-budgeted drama starred by Gong Yoo,Kim Go Eun,Kim Dongwook and Yoon In-Na.When I said big budget..the budget is really big.From the cinematography,to the OSTs,props,clothes and CGI ; the producers are indeed invested a lot in this drama and the result is not disappointing.Goblin topped the chart in Korea and is extremely popular among K-drama enthusiasts.

Wow.I sound like Allkpop now.

Basically we have two couples in here,Kim Shin (Goblin) and Eun Tak,Wangyeo (Grim Reaper) and Sunny (Sunny not Sun-hee).Goblin and Eun Tak’s love is the sad love as Eun Tak had wished in the earlier episode and Grim Reaper and Sunny’s love is the sad one as well.Thank god we have Goblin and Grim reaper’s bromance to lift up the mood in this drama!

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first meeting of Euntak and Kim Shin

The most beautiful thing about the drama is the way it portrays the sacred life and death flawlessly.The most precious gift that we are blessed is our ardent desire to live.

Death and Life.

As someone who has epiphany for death & life related piece,this piece of arts touches my heart.Goblin has already died but then came back to life and lived in agony for 900 years until he met his bride,Eun Tak.Later,he lived in between death and life for 9 lonely years in the tundra (this I would elaborate later in longiness).

In the last episode it was revealed that grim reaper is someone who has committed biggest sin of which is taking one’s own life ; committing suicide.Their punishment is to be neither living nor dead,and to usher countless people in deaths.Although they have no memories and names but they still need food and home to live in.

Grim reaper stated he was searching for answers, when one day it occurred to him:

“That the things we’d given up—our names, the lives we threw away—were the very things I began to want. That when we long for life desperately, our punishment may be over.”

South Korea is ranked among the highest number of suicides in the world.And there this drama talking about wanting back the lives once they threw away is when their punishments are over.I hope the viewers who are depressed and suicidal will cease to appreciate life after they watch this drama.

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“My sister,my friend,and my bride have all left.And as always,I am alone.”

 

Longingness,loneliness and punishment.

The days where Goblin longs for Euntak…

The days where Grim reaper longs for Sunny…

The days where Euntak longs for Goblin …the sudden pain she felt in her heart where she didn’t know why she felt that way,what memories she had lost,who and what.

The days where Sunny longs for grim reaper…we all thought she had forgotten all her memories when grim reaper kissed her and wished her happy ending.

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In all honesty,I sobbed when Sunny drafted her letter and sent it to radio station.That was when everyone realised that Sunny had indeed still have her memory intact.God wanted to grant her oblivion but she was too proud,saying  that in her place even God had to pour himself his water.Aigoo gurl.

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” We won’t see each other again in this lifetime”

She loved him with all her heart,but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him in this lifetime.Hence she left him because it was the greatest punishment she could give to him.It is the punishment of loneliness and longingness.Sunny’s parting from Grim reaper made him a sobbing mess.He bawled his eyes out in the room,and even Goblin’s cute veggies didn’t make him any better.

In this world,love and pain are strongly connected.You cannot love without feeling the pain.Sometimes instead of being with the person you treasure the most,you have to choose the painful path ; walking away.

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Finally they met again the next lifetime where the waiting is short and the meeting is long

The punishment for Goblin is that he had to live forever.At first he had to live and wait for his bride to be born to pull out the sword from his chest but later,in his longiness for Eun Tak he begged the almighty to let him live forever so that he can meet with Euntak and live happily with her with her remaining 3 lives.

People,the hardest punishment,I believe is the one given to Goblin.For 900 years he had to live in loneliness and watched his servants/acquaintances died.After 900 years he met his bride and it is either him or his bride die,he chose to die but he also refused to die.He got stuck in the tundra for 9 years,longing for Euntak.Because everything is white and Goblin had walked for miles,sometimes he walked backwards just to see his own footprints.

Imagine,being the one who lives and watching people you love come and go.

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meeting again in Euntak’s second life

This is the drama you want to watch if you want to sob,laugh,smile and ponder on the beauty of love and life particularly.Everything is very detailed carefully planned.I cannot spot any flaws.

And,Goblin and Grim reaper in this drama are extremely good-looking ; you won’t get that in other place!

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Till then,

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Is it sucks to be poor? 

I am just asking, I don’t know which category I will fall into later but hopefully I will be good enough to have all basic needs in order to survive in sha Allah. 

This issue comes to my mind as I look at KL dUck, pink coloured with swarovski on it. Freaking classy guys. And the price too, very impressive. I want to be personal shopper one day ameen haha. 

The price is rm800 of which is almost an income for some very low-income families. Wow, I can’t help but thinking how wealth is being divided today. Some people can’t even afford to eat while some have so much money that can last for centuries! 

Then it comes to me… Oh my God… I will graduate in 3years, will I be ever managed to secure job? 

Oh ya Allah please make it easier for me to seek for rezeki ameen. 

To Be A Kinder Me

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2016,well,to begin with was an unkind year to me.Though I shed tears a lot last year,I learnt many things.Truthfully,hard times always expose who your true friends are and those who genuinely care for you.I cannot thank Allah more than this,alhamdulillah.

What happened to me last year kind of turning me into a heartless mean girl.I just realised a few days ago that I smiled less.No wonder I had so much little energy left. :’)

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These are two incidents that made me realised what kind of person I have turned to be.

First incident :

I was in my second session with my counselor when he asked me “Do you believe it,Khadijah, if I said that I will be richer if I give you rm1k.

Chuckling,I promptly replied “Of course not,why giving away money will make you richer?

He smiled and replied, “There you go,you have to give first in order to receive.That is the nature’s law.

Second incident ;

I was waiting to get into waiting gate since I arrived at the TBS tad bit too early T_T then I decided to scroll the instagram rather than reading a novel I bought at BBW because it was the most convenient way since my bagpack was very much packed.

Later,from the corner of my eyes I noticed an old man,wearing old clothes and on a wheelchair was approaching everyone asking for money.I frowned.Why is he here?Why is he allowed to beg here?

He approached.Ah,nightmare.I frowned,again.Pretended not to see him.He was still there,waiting for me to give a few ringgits.I sighed.

I then gave him RM2 and he went somewhere else.

Then..I reflected on myself.

Wow,I am a bitch now.I frown at people.I am afraid to give just a few ringgit.I don’t want to share my rezeki with others.How much is it a few ringgit anyway?Why I need to act up all bossy like that?Well,who I am anyway?I am no one.So why I feel and act like a brat?

I analysed myself.

Prejudice. There are so many scams now that I am afraid that I might give my money 9or my parents’ money obviously) to the syndicate.

I simply don’t want to.I remember distinctly last year,I cried while what’s apping my friend,we weren’t close honestly but like I said earlier,hard times reveal your true friends.I told her that I am tired of being kind and I don’t want to be kind anymore.Kind people get hurt a lot.I am tired of it.

She lectured me,she said even Rasulullah got hurt but he still be kind.Remember the blind jew he fed everyday,the jew spat curses regarding him without knowing the one feeding him was the prophet S.A.W himself.

“There,that is how you treat people.Never stoop low.yes,you are hurt,but that doesn’t give license for you to hurt others as well.You are using this as an excuse to get away with unkind attitude.This is not you.”

2017,I will be a kinder version of myself.To always smile and never hesitate to offer help without asking for things in return,in sha Allah.

2016,the year that I forgot how to be kind.

Happiness Is A Choice 

Most of my happiness comes from Korean dramas these days

So, the first post written on new year!! Hahaha. So guess who spent the first 40minutes of new year wandering around the college wearing sleeping clothes in search of fireworks. ME! 

Anyway, 2016 sucks bad. Coincidentally there are many of us who have it bad too. *high five* 

I asked on my instagram post about what my friends have learnt throughout the year and one of them stated happiness is a choice. 

It is true, since we are the one who control our emotions and rationalities. We are the one who make the desicion. We are the master of our bodies and minds.

It would be stupid if you choose to be sad. 

I went through a lot this year, I hinted here and there but never make clarification. Basically, it hurts a lot. And it affects many things of life especially my studies. 

I once heard that when woman’s relationship in trouble, she cannot do work and when man’s work in trouble he cannot do relationship. 

I am so woman. LOL. 

By the way I do not do many resolutions for 2017 except to keep going, become more grateful, learn more, read more ,smile more, communicate more ,rationalize more, travel more, save more and write a book! 

Yeah you read it right. 

In sha Allah I will start writing after the finals end! 

May 2017 brings more fortune and happiness to us!  🎆🎇🎉🎉🎊🎊