I Have Finished My First Year in UPM!


I have just finished my first year in UPM a few days ago. I was actually thinking to write the blog post when I was in the bus,on the way back to Kedah but unfortunately I fell asleep and woke up for buka puasa and resumed back my sleep after that. I was only awake when we entered Kulim ,to text my dad my whereabout. We can only plan,but God will decide…hehe

By the way now I am sitting on jati chair,it is raining outside.My brother let the sliding door opened so the wind come blowing inside. I also could listen to the engine motor noise from the road,accompanied by the sound of thunder. Alhamdulillah. This is so therapeutic . I am listening to 4 O’Clock by Rap Mon and V . I am a newborn Army thanks to Bibi lmao.

Anyways,back to finishing the first year. What do I feel? How does it change me as a person? How much did I learn? Do I make many friends? Do I lose some friends too?

Reading French in UPM was my first choice in UPU. I remembered that it was in one of my childhood’s dream to go to France or Spain to study French or Spanish. However despite scoring 10As in SPM, I was doomed. MARA unfortunately no longer sponsor for those programs. I did bad during my interview, I didn’t get scholarship for tertiary education. Because I am always interested in law and legal stuffs,I went to read law in UiTM. Well,not really read law haha. I got into Law Foundation in UiTM. And boi,I had blast alhamdulillah. I think it was the first time in my life I got to meet and befriend with like-minded people. However when deciding what I wanted to major in university, I got torn between reading law or French. I put German as my second choice,just so and law in my third choice because we had to fill in 12 choices Allahu. I decided to go with my childhood’s dream ,to read French, to become a writer, to have my own TV show, to be a journalist, to run a lingerie business and to make friends with people from all over the world.

God know best. Despite getting closer to my dream and got my first choice. I was not happy. I am now. But in my first semester I was so upset. I had a friendship break up. I lost a friend I always confided in. I lost my will to fight and to excel. Lucky me I had my asasi friends who are very supportive of me. I thought of dropping out and applied for Law UiTM or Law UM. At least I have asasi friends there.

Nonetheless, I persevered and fighted with the demon inside. I went to meet counsellor and had sessions with him. I talked to my parents and sister about this. I discussed with my friends I made back in college. I am going to do this.

The reason why I wanted to quit is because this wasn’t what I expected I would be facing and experience. When I got the offer, I was thankful and imagined my classmates would be those who read Dickens to sleep. I was wrong. Only three of us chose this as first choice in UPU, for others it was their 2nd,and even 12th! Upon knowing that, I thought to myself … Damnn I applied first for kos lelong. Kos lelong is course in which there’s no much hope to work with the degree or it is when UPU threw incompetent people into. I was wrong. Of course.

It is up to you to make the best of everything, if I went for law ; would I be happy? If it is for the prestige and glam ,it didn’t stay long. Reading law is tough. To be working in legal field is even tougher. Reading French, I would say is bearable. It is not too many compared to law. I wouldn’t excel if I were to read law. Because I know that I am person of passion , I could only do it if I have passion in it. Money- wise , I will need to work really hard to earn a lot with this degree,since it is not professional. I will be graduating with Bachelor of Arts (: and I sincerely pray it will come with honors ,Allahumma ameen.

I think I learnt more about myself this one year. It is more about self-discovery . I learnt how to control my emotions more. I learnt whom to trust and whom to not. I learnt to not expect people to love you the way you love them . I learnt to get back,even after life been throwing shit . Life never gave me lemon for me to make lemonade,so far.

I have one regret this semester, I forgot to fill in borang pindah bilik and will be sharing the small room with four people. I will make sure I don’t forget to fill in the changing room form for single room next semester. I also hope to get JPA scholarship/loan next semester in sha Allah. If not JPA, please Bank Rakyat. Pray for me.

Always keep the faith. (:



Being Realistic With Financial Goals

I used to be very much deluded. It was when I was 16,I had this spirit to be a millionaire and even changed my fb user name to Tan Sri.I told my friend, Kim, that by 21 I will have rm1 million in my bank account.

When I was 18 I told my friend, Aida,that I would like to have two-storey bungalow as my first home.

I just didn’t get it. That today, wealth has been unevenly distributed. 1% of human population control 90% of wealth.

Thus, us, the commoners have to share the remaining 10%.In certain areas, they might don’t get even 1%.

I used to think that those stuffs I read are just stupid crap journalists wrote. Sigh. I might be just too blind.

We also, have become somewhat materialistic society. We measure people’s success by the amount of wealth they have accumulated.

To start with, my family is not rich. Even our extended family. Most of us are government officers, teachers and small businessmen.We own a few rubber and paddy plantations but you get it. We are nowhere rich, but we are not poor either alhamdulillah.

Now at 19,with small amount of money in my bank, I began to be realistic. I began to understand how hard it is to earn money and living. I began to understand why people kill for money.

With money, comes the power.

But of course it comes with sacrifices.

I want to be filthy rich was what 17-year-old me chanted everyday. I wanted to have my own lingerie line since I didn’t know any Malay who does that. (But my lecturer told me her cousin has her own lingerie line with gross income rm25k monthly)

You know why you become miserable as fuck (twitter people who have absurd liking of adding as fuck to every sentence,killing the creativity I must say)

It is because we have been deluded by the media we consumed. Those Kardashians with their own lines. Seriously? Don’t you know it is all just branding and capitalists’ gimmick? Yeah, you probably know but guiltily have to comform and buy because Kylie uses its!!! 

If she’s pretty, use anything still pretty. You ugly, use the same thing, might become a lil bit prettier. Okay fine, I know I am wrong on this part. I have seen those makeup videos where they transform an ugly girl into a beautiful and attractive girl.

You are fooled by those ads on media.

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.

Chuck Palahniuk

Skinny is beautiful. Fat? No problem! Try this slimming tea! Get liposuction and cosmetic surgery! Consume diet pills!

Fair is beautiful. Dark? No problem! Have this whitening sheets! Consume this collagen (even your own body has collagen but nvm have more so you can be white like those modelsssssss)

Well, you get it.Why I think this has nothing to do with the title?

I just don’t want to comform.I want to be realistic. Money is not everything. Well, I mean, I will work hard to earn money.

After graduating, I maybe not able to buy my own house. My first house might be a studio apartment, or a small apartment. My first car might be a second hand. I might  shop at bundle or thrift shop. I might eat at the roadside stalls.

I am finally being realistic.I know that you shouldn’t measure someone’s success from his amount of wealth but rather how much he has contributed.

But I would like to be rich, please.