I Have Finished My First Year in UPM!

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I have just finished my first year in UPM a few days ago. I was actually thinking to write the blog post when I was in the bus,on the way back to Kedah but unfortunately I fell asleep and woke up for buka puasa and resumed back my sleep after that. I was only awake when we entered Kulim ,to text my dad my whereabout. We can only plan,but God will decide…hehe

By the way now I am sitting on jati chair,it is raining outside.My brother let the sliding door opened so the wind come blowing inside. I also could listen to the engine motor noise from the road,accompanied by the sound of thunder. Alhamdulillah. This is so therapeutic . I am listening to 4 O’Clock by Rap Mon and V . I am a newborn Army thanks to Bibi lmao.

Anyways,back to finishing the first year. What do I feel? How does it change me as a person? How much did I learn? Do I make many friends? Do I lose some friends too?

Reading French in UPM was my first choice in UPU. I remembered that it was in one of my childhood’s dream to go to France or Spain to study French or Spanish. However despite scoring 10As in SPM, I was doomed. MARA unfortunately no longer sponsor for those programs. I did bad during my interview, I didn’t get scholarship for tertiary education. Because I am always interested in law and legal stuffs,I went to read law in UiTM. Well,not really read law haha. I got into Law Foundation in UiTM. And boi,I had blast alhamdulillah. I think it was the first time in my life I got to meet and befriend with like-minded people. However when deciding what I wanted to major in university, I got torn between reading law or French. I put German as my second choice,just so and law in my third choice because we had to fill in 12 choices Allahu. I decided to go with my childhood’s dream ,to read French, to become a writer, to have my own TV show, to be a journalist, to run a lingerie business and to make friends with people from all over the world.

God know best. Despite getting closer to my dream and got my first choice. I was not happy. I am now. But in my first semester I was so upset. I had a friendship break up. I lost a friend I always confided in. I lost my will to fight and to excel. Lucky me I had my asasi friends who are very supportive of me. I thought of dropping out and applied for Law UiTM or Law UM. At least I have asasi friends there.

Nonetheless, I persevered and fighted with the demon inside. I went to meet counsellor and had sessions with him. I talked to my parents and sister about this. I discussed with my friends I made back in college. I am going to do this.

The reason why I wanted to quit is because this wasn’t what I expected I would be facing and experience. When I got the offer, I was thankful and imagined my classmates would be those who read Dickens to sleep. I was wrong. Only three of us chose this as first choice in UPU, for others it was their 2nd,and even 12th! Upon knowing that, I thought to myself … Damnn I applied first for kos lelong. Kos lelong is course in which there’s no much hope to work with the degree or it is when UPU threw incompetent people into. I was wrong. Of course.

It is up to you to make the best of everything, if I went for law ; would I be happy? If it is for the prestige and glam ,it didn’t stay long. Reading law is tough. To be working in legal field is even tougher. Reading French, I would say is bearable. It is not too many compared to law. I wouldn’t excel if I were to read law. Because I know that I am person of passion , I could only do it if I have passion in it. Money- wise , I will need to work really hard to earn a lot with this degree,since it is not professional. I will be graduating with Bachelor of Arts (: and I sincerely pray it will come with honors ,Allahumma ameen.

I think I learnt more about myself this one year. It is more about self-discovery . I learnt how to control my emotions more. I learnt whom to trust and whom to not. I learnt to not expect people to love you the way you love them . I learnt to get back,even after life been throwing shit . Life never gave me lemon for me to make lemonade,so far.

I have one regret this semester, I forgot to fill in borang pindah bilik and will be sharing the small room with four people. I will make sure I don’t forget to fill in the changing room form for single room next semester. I also hope to get JPA scholarship/loan next semester in sha Allah. If not JPA, please Bank Rakyat. Pray for me.

Always keep the faith. (:

 

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Walking Away/Chasing After

There’s a debate. Whether to just let go people who walk away or chase them.

There are many reasons why people walk away

1) They are feeling that they are being taken for granted.It is always ’em who initiate everything. Whether a text or a trip.

2) Betrayals,this I don’t have to elaborate. Everyone knows.

3) You are toxic and they couldn’t stand you anymore.You are full of yourself and don’t listen to others. Selfish cow.

4) They are hurted
In all honesty, people who walk away sometimes feel like running back. There are still some love left deep inside but the pain is stronger. They remind themselves of their worths. They worth more than a person who makes em an option when they make that person a priority.

As I always say, it has to be two-sides of everything in a relationship. Relationship itself is based on give & take concept. You fail this…urm sorry your partner/friend might walk away.

Of course, there’s always two sides of coin,too. One side says this and the other side says otherwise. What is the best is for you to really think of the worthiness of the relationship.

Yet I know people who walk away from the person they really really really love simply because they couldn’t stand the pain anymore.

Walking away doesn’t mean you are selfish and not chasing back also doesn’t mean you are selfish. Maybe, a bit egoistic.

It is a free world out there,but remember;  always be kind.