I am a third year student already!

Hi you guys!!!!!

hello

I painted my dorm white and boy, I really love my wall!

I am writing this on Words 2016 while sipping on my Nescafe mild coffee that I made an hour ago. The WiFi is driving me crazy and is ruining my movie night. Saturday is supposed to be my French movie night so that I can improve my French oral and listening. But no, Putra Hotspot decided to screw my plan and makes me feel mad.

Well, I could go to café and watch there but I hate to leave the comfort of my room. I don’t want to be in crowded place with chatters and dim lamps and slow fans. I also don’t want to watch my movie fully clothed with hijab on. This is also another reason why I don’t study at the library, I hate having my head covered…

Anyway, enough of the whining! The goal of today’s post is to share with you guys what I feel for my third year.

I had dreamed of university life ever since I was young. My mom studied in the US, my father studied in Malaysia, my uncle did his degree and masters in the states as well, my aunts studied in Egypt. I had always wanted to study overseas as well. But I realised, I am not that smart enough to secure a scholarship to study overseas. Well, it is not necessary for people studying overseas to be freaking brilliant (except for enrolling into the top ones, of course) you just need money. Which is why some resort of being escorts or sugarbabies… wuhuhuhu. Hanya iman mampu mengawal moral kita di dunia akhir zaman ini >.<

So I did pretty well in school, I was an above average students. Always top 5 in primary schools and well that changed in secondary school. Nevertheless I got 5A in UPSR, 9A in PMR and 10A 1C in SPM. I flunked my JPA-MARA interview because I thought I couldn’t pass with a C in my transcript so I didn’t do my best and let that purple tudung outshone everyone in group presentation! Afterwards I got into foundation of law in UiTM. Did well as well, had freaking blast there, finished with CGPA 3.75 and then got into French course in UPM, my first choice in UPU.

I had mentioned so many times how I felt with my choice, how I hated myself for choosing this major, how I thought it wouldn’t bring me advantages later on in professional works, how I felt downgraded when people said “eh belajar bahasa je mesti tak pandai sangat” when I really did well at school and academics generally. I wrote how this course disappointed me and how I felt about my surrounding, also how I wished I chose UM or learn French through immersion.

Well, I came to realise that some of my perceptions are wrong and how I am glad that I didn’t quit and apply back to law school. Because as much as I love the technicalities, it is not my passion.  Hell, I don’t even know what is my passion right now. *cries*

Firstly, I learnt to manage my own perspective. I learn to lower my expectations of  myself and towards others. It was hard, because I was taught growing up to be hard on myself. I was taught to hold accountability towards my own mistakes and wrongdoings. It was to the extend of me blaming myself. I didn’t realise that this is wrong, since I grow up with it. I am so used of self-hatred that it was a part of myself. My counselor is the one whom noticed this and he walked me out of this. BTS helps a lot too. I remembered a year ago, it was so overwhelming and I went to youtube and watched Namjoon’s speech about finding happiness and I listened to Suga’s mixtape a lot.

Secondly, I learnt not to care what others think of me. I used to be so cautious of what others think of me. When I was younger I would message my friends to ask ‘em what is their opinions on myself what I should improve. Looking back, that damaged me a lot. There are a lot of critism that were thrown to me. I felt that it was necessary for me to reflect on my doings.

It was mature and right for me to do so. But what I did wrong there is that sometimes the judgement that others made to me are reflections of what they despise of themselves. I also didn’t know how to handle my emotions quite well back then. Nowadays, it is not like I 100% don’t give a damn of what others think and speak of me, just less f*ck is given.

I begin to understand myself more and reflect on my actions by myself. The circle of friends that I seek for advice also get smaller. Most of them are my schoolmates and asasi friends. I have one or two in my college. Maybe it is also affected by my severe breakups in the first year that UPM left bad impression in my heart.

This semester, I have a lot of free time of which I use to revise and fangirl. I am so happy and thankful that I finally could attend concerts with close friends. In the first and second year I was occupied with college activities. Like I mentioned before, I had a vision of what kind of university gal I should be that I signed up for so many events in those 4 semesters. Now that I am in my third year I believe I should try other things and build my own personal branding. I had my YouTube channel, but it seems not to be doing well. Hahahaha. I thought creating contents is easy but nope. Jokes on me. Anyway I really hope my YouTube channel would be doing well in coming years, in sha Allah.

I am excited to embark the last 2 years of my university life. I am thankful for the memories I have here, the good and the bad. They taught me the meaning of life and I am grateful for the presence of all of my good friends in my life.

I will update more this blog more! Alive and kicking!

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On Life,Death,Longingness,Loneliness and Punishment of Goblin;The Lonely and Great God.

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What more can you expect from a drama written by Kim Eun Sook who previously wrote scripts for Descendants of The Sun.Goblin is a big-budgeted drama starred by Gong Yoo,Kim Go Eun,Kim Dongwook and Yoon In-Na.When I said big budget..the budget is really big.From the cinematography,to the OSTs,props,clothes and CGI ; the producers are indeed invested a lot in this drama and the result is not disappointing.Goblin topped the chart in Korea and is extremely popular among K-drama enthusiasts.

Wow.I sound like Allkpop now.

Basically we have two couples in here,Kim Shin (Goblin) and Eun Tak,Wangyeo (Grim Reaper) and Sunny (Sunny not Sun-hee).Goblin and Eun Tak’s love is the sad love as Eun Tak had wished in the earlier episode and Grim Reaper and Sunny’s love is the sad one as well.Thank god we have Goblin and Grim reaper’s bromance to lift up the mood in this drama!

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first meeting of Euntak and Kim Shin

The most beautiful thing about the drama is the way it portrays the sacred life and death flawlessly.The most precious gift that we are blessed is our ardent desire to live.

Death and Life.

As someone who has epiphany for death & life related piece,this piece of arts touches my heart.Goblin has already died but then came back to life and lived in agony for 900 years until he met his bride,Eun Tak.Later,he lived in between death and life for 9 lonely years in the tundra (this I would elaborate later in longiness).

In the last episode it was revealed that grim reaper is someone who has committed biggest sin of which is taking one’s own life ; committing suicide.Their punishment is to be neither living nor dead,and to usher countless people in deaths.Although they have no memories and names but they still need food and home to live in.

Grim reaper stated he was searching for answers, when one day it occurred to him:

“That the things we’d given up—our names, the lives we threw away—were the very things I began to want. That when we long for life desperately, our punishment may be over.”

South Korea is ranked among the highest number of suicides in the world.And there this drama talking about wanting back the lives once they threw away is when their punishments are over.I hope the viewers who are depressed and suicidal will cease to appreciate life after they watch this drama.

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“My sister,my friend,and my bride have all left.And as always,I am alone.”

 

Longingness,loneliness and punishment.

The days where Goblin longs for Euntak…

The days where Grim reaper longs for Sunny…

The days where Euntak longs for Goblin …the sudden pain she felt in her heart where she didn’t know why she felt that way,what memories she had lost,who and what.

The days where Sunny longs for grim reaper…we all thought she had forgotten all her memories when grim reaper kissed her and wished her happy ending.

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In all honesty,I sobbed when Sunny drafted her letter and sent it to radio station.That was when everyone realised that Sunny had indeed still have her memory intact.God wanted to grant her oblivion but she was too proud,saying  that in her place even God had to pour himself his water.Aigoo gurl.

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” We won’t see each other again in this lifetime”

She loved him with all her heart,but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him in this lifetime.Hence she left him because it was the greatest punishment she could give to him.It is the punishment of loneliness and longingness.Sunny’s parting from Grim reaper made him a sobbing mess.He bawled his eyes out in the room,and even Goblin’s cute veggies didn’t make him any better.

In this world,love and pain are strongly connected.You cannot love without feeling the pain.Sometimes instead of being with the person you treasure the most,you have to choose the painful path ; walking away.

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Finally they met again the next lifetime where the waiting is short and the meeting is long

The punishment for Goblin is that he had to live forever.At first he had to live and wait for his bride to be born to pull out the sword from his chest but later,in his longiness for Eun Tak he begged the almighty to let him live forever so that he can meet with Euntak and live happily with her with her remaining 3 lives.

People,the hardest punishment,I believe is the one given to Goblin.For 900 years he had to live in loneliness and watched his servants/acquaintances died.After 900 years he met his bride and it is either him or his bride die,he chose to die but he also refused to die.He got stuck in the tundra for 9 years,longing for Euntak.Because everything is white and Goblin had walked for miles,sometimes he walked backwards just to see his own footprints.

Imagine,being the one who lives and watching people you love come and go.

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meeting again in Euntak’s second life

This is the drama you want to watch if you want to sob,laugh,smile and ponder on the beauty of love and life particularly.Everything is very detailed carefully planned.I cannot spot any flaws.

And,Goblin and Grim reaper in this drama are extremely good-looking ; you won’t get that in other place!

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Till then,

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Happiness Is A Choice 

Most of my happiness comes from Korean dramas these days

So, the first post written on new year!! Hahaha. So guess who spent the first 40minutes of new year wandering around the college wearing sleeping clothes in search of fireworks. ME!

Anyway, 2016 sucks bad. Coincidentally there are many of us who have it bad too. *high five*

I asked on my instagram post about what my friends have learnt throughout the year and one of them stated happiness is a choice. 

It is true, since we are the one who control our emotions and rationalities. We are the one who make the desicion. We are the master of our bodies and minds.

It would be stupid if you choose to be sad.

I went through a lot this year, I hinted here and there but never make clarification. Basically, it hurts a lot. And it affects many things of life especially my studies.

I once heard that when woman’s relationship in trouble, she cannot do work and when man’s work in trouble he cannot do relationship. 

I am so woman. LOL.

By the way I do not do many resolutions for 2017 except to keep going, become more grateful, learn more, read more ,smile more, communicate more ,rationalize more, travel more, save more and write a book!

Yeah you read it right.

In sha Allah I will start writing after the finals end!

May 2017 brings more fortune and happiness to us!  🎆🎇🎉🎉🎊🎊