wish list for 2018





But nevermind,at least I could relate to Why A Students Work For C Students..hehe

I wrote a journal documenting my SPM journey :’)

A few days ago,(or about a week or so,I don’t remember,so forgive my memory) a junior of mine asked me to write about study tips.Hmm,this is quite hard because I am not the most studious person you would have ever met.I was that student who slept during classes (but not always la,nanti tak berkat) and I was also that lazy girl who always procrastinated like a bawse.

However,since she asked,so I thought to myself ; WHY NOT? Maybe my writing today can benefit some of us,in sha Allah.

I was above average student during elementary school.Definitely not the brightest 😦 but I always got the presents during Majlis Anugerah Cemerlang.I used to get the highest marks in 5 subjects when I was 9 haha.Good ol’ memory.I got 5A for UPSR and 9A for PMR.

So fast forward to upper secondary school,there was me who was extremely lazy and demotivated .Before anyone assumed anything.I was in liberal arts – aliran sastera perakaunan.I was definitely not a teacher’s pet or close to any teachers.No one says I am super smart or something,in fact no one expected me to excel in SPM.My school has a lot of smart students who usually are in science stream so students who took liberal arts are not that pandai la.To them la.Haha.I couldn’t feel sorrier okay.

I got into aliran perakaunan because my dad wanted me to be like him,and my mom didn’t think I was that interested in science.To be honest,I wasn’t interested in anything except for history,languages and subjects that would not bring me much money for a living T_T but nah,that’s okay.If anyone says you are stupid just because you are not studying in science stream,don’t give a damn okay.We all have our own preferences,don’t follow people.I don’t have any friend when I first got into form 4 because all my friends were in science stream but heyy then I have more friends?


1) Respect teachers and knowledge

Teachers are our source of knowledge,without their selfless help and patience we might not as smart as we are now.I know sometimes teachers can be such a pain,but however sucks it is we must respect them.I know students who argue that respect has to be earned and yadda yadda but at the end of the day it is their blessing that we seek.Remember how crowded is teacher’s room the day before examination haha.

I have my very personal share with teacher.During 2014 mid-term exams I was writing a BM essay.All of sudden I wanted to change my essay,so I tore the paper and wrote a new one.I couldn’t finished it on time,so I begged for the invigilator to wait for another 5 minutes.But you know,females sometimes can be so rigid.Usually we can get away with extra 5 minutes because this is not a big exam but apparently this teacher didn’t think that way.

Oh great.

She left me and said “nanti kamu hantar sendiri dekat cikgu kamu,saya taknak tunggu,ni dah langgar peraturan”.I was like..yeah whatever and continued writing furiously.After 10 minutes I was walking down the hall to the teacher’s room to pass my paper.My BM teacher was talking to an ustazah who taught me usul fiqh.

“Cikgu,ni paper saya,tadi saya tak sempat siap jadi saya ambil extra time”

My BM teacher later told me that the invigilator had already called her and that I abused the rules by not submitting my exam paper and she couldn’t accept my paper.I was doomed closed to getting an F for BM.

I was shaking with anger,I was mad at  the invigilator for not giving me that extra 5 minutes.In common cases,usually invigilators will put up but not with this one.My pure bad luck.Had the thing happened only between two person,I wouldn’t have to bear with my parents’ anguish on my D grade for Bahasa Melayu.

The invigilator never taught me but she is one of my teachers,technically.As an immatured student,I have every right to hate her but I chose not to.It is because I believe that I must respect  her and I never told anyone about this incident except to my mom.Usually female students will pull faces whenever they meet their not-so-favourite-teachers and even take another route if she is about to meet the teacher,but not me.I kind of forced myself to humbly smile and give salam to her.It was quite hard,but it was my own mistake and she just did her job.Anyway  I cried for two consecutive two days because I didn’t get an A.Ugh,I hate my old-self now haha.

Not only that,I also learnt a lesson – HAND YOUR WORK ON TIME!

2. You must set yourself on fire


One of the reasons why I work freaking hard for SPM is to prove to the mouths that were saying bad things about me.See,I wasn’t the nicest person ever especially during secondary school.There was this time,after eating dinner I went to form 5 study room to chillax.My friends were discussing names of people they were targeting to get 9AS and above.(In my school for SPM only 9A’s above students get student awards ).

To my dismay,my name wasn’t in the list.I asked them why no one mentioned my name?They just shrugged their shoulders and one of them said to me right in the eyes “because no way you could make it.”

That really fueled my desire to get straight As.Besides other reasons such as to make my parents proud of me,money,scholarships and of course because Islam says you have to be the best in whatever you do.

You just need to find reasons that set the fire in you.

Oh,and if you find people talking about you,please remember this quote.

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. ”

Eleanor Roosevelt


3. Disciplines


I only started studying after mid-term exams,around June 2014 (four months prior to SPM – don’t do this unless you want to feel tortured!).I think you guys can imagine the pressure,while studying I kept cursing myself for geniusly procrastinating my studies.If only and only if I started studying when I was in form 4,I would not suffer like this.

But one can only regret.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.I was  terrified at the thought of not doing well for SPM,so I searched high and low for tips.There were  lots of tips on internet but I couldn’t relate so I contacted a senior via FB.He then shared with me what he did.

For four months,I studied like hell.I was very diciplined,I wouldn’t sleep if I had not finished my revision.I woke up at 4.30AM every morning.Even the fact that my bilik was berhantu where my adik bilik said she saw me studying on the floor when the truth was I was sleeping soundly on my bunk – didn’t bother me.I woke up early,went to the toilet (even made friends with the guard because she had to open the stairs gate so early for me hehe) and made myself a cup of honey water,pray and revise.

Hantu or not,I needed to revise or I would get 6As or less.Oh horror!

I also stayed late after school,studying.Because I know if I go back to hostel I would sleep the whole evening and waste my time by not studying.For last-minute work,every second is valuable.


I always asked teachers to teach me,something I was lazy to do before  if I weren’t interested in that subject.This is a bad habit because we want to get all As.Like it or hate it,I need to study.As an annoying friend,I also pestered  and bugged my smart-ass friends and successfully made them teach me topic I didn’t understand.

Find study techniques which work the best for you.As for me I prefer to study from textbooks instead of reference books.I also like group discussion which I would suggest you to do it with friends who aren’t so close so the study group won’t turn into chit chat group.I like quiet surrounding which was why I woke up at 4.30AM.When I was desperate and anxiously thinking I needed to put more effort,I woke up as early as 3AM.Haha,sorry can’t help myself,I was freaking desperate.

4. Ibadah

Everyone is alim when exams draw near,I was not excluded!!hahaha!!!

Anyway,jokes aside ; the senior whom I consulted shared his secret.He never fail to do tahajjud.Like whatever happens,he will make sure he performs tahajjud or he will feel demotivated to study for the rest of the day.

Tahajjud is good for our mental and productivity – you can google the benefit of early morning meditation.Our prayers can be categorised as meditation too.

I made it a must to read yassin everyday (you know we gotta have amalan that we stick to) ,and of course since I was in religious school – all my classmates aggreed to recite yassin together every morning.I also tried to perform dhuha every day.This is easy as my class is near to the musolla,just a minute by walking!

That musolla was my lepak place :’) I was rebel liddat

5. Do good to everyone

Just be nice,we never know if our success come from other people’s prayers.



Oh,I never believed in SPOT question,and I attempted on many SPM clone questions – I didn’t do past years.I was lucky because they started to implement KBAT in SPM 2014.Usually last-minute students do lots of past years and got As just because they had answered the same question before.Lucky me I emphasized on understanding each chapter and did SPM clone question sets.

MILLION THANKS TO ALL WHO HELP ME THROUGH SPM 2014 (It has been 2 years ;’)  )




All the best to whoever reads this!Bittaufiq wannajah in sha Allah.


the day SPM result was announced,17th March 2015,I hope that day was not my last time meeting these awesome people.

Why People Want To Get Married 


Looks like I CANNOT have a decent conversation with anyone without them mentioning  marriage.  

No one.

Everyone (mostly) in my school talked about marriage and boys, all the time. Especially after we had events at dewan. Haha.Typical.No apologies.We were just female teenagers with raging hormones.

But not me,in fact,I told my ustaz that I don’t want to get married.

Particularly because I have bad views on marriage where women have to do everything ;housechores,taking care of the kids,go to work.I am also mortified thinking sacrifices I have to make.

I can love and I can give,no doubt. But to me, marriage is sacred; it is a vow between two persons who promise to be there for each other,to go through thick and thin together and to stay together till death do they apart.

Marriage requires commitment and teamwork. It needs more than love. To make a marriage works you and your spouse need good communication,compassion, understanding, empathy and strong wills to make your marriage lasts. This is not an option. It is a must.

I asked my mom why there are so many divorces lately. Whether in the west or even in our own country. My mom answered ‘because the value changes, people now believe if something is broken, they might as well just throw it away rather than mending it’. 

I seldom come to agreement with my mother, but I do in this case.

So amidst all these scary divorce stories and spouses who cheat, why the heck people still want to get married?

1) Sense of belonging

We want to feel belonged. It is innit in ourselves that we want to love and to be loved. While we have family and friends, they are different with romantic love.

We want to be guaranteed that there is a person who loves us, wants to be with us, enjoys the time spent with us and accepts us just the way we are.

We want to share our deepest secrets and fears with our significant others.We want support and love, from our significant others.

We want someone to be there to comfort us when we have problems. Yes we have God who is All listening ,Al-Basir, As-Sami’ but God also told us that He has created us in pairs. There must be reasons why He created us in pairs.

God is so nice, He knows us too well 😉

And it is always nice knowing there is a person who is waiting for us to come home…

2) Marriage will complete their lives

For some people,all their hard works and sweats are meant to be shared with someone else.

What is the value of having everything when you have no one to share with?

Their lives are incomplete without the existence of spouse and kids.Their houses feel lonelier than ever without happy kids’ laughter and cries (do happy kids cry?) .

Eeeee gerammmmmm

3) To continue family lineage and procreate

To procreate so that human will forever become the leaders on the earth. Procreate as many as they could so that they have enough manpower and soldiers when aliens come to invade the earth or evoluted monkeys with artificial intelligence declare wars to humans.

Only in DOTS 😶

4) No one will be able to take away their partners and they have legal ties with their partners

Not just legal stuffs, let say the significants is badly injured and you want to tend them but you are not allowed because you are not family members.

Not only that, getting married sorts of making everything finalized. No one can flirt with your other half because he/she is married.Although,there are a lot of cheatings done these days.#wheresloyalty

Why people fight for gay marriage? Because they want the same right that married people enjoy. They want to be able to take care of their partners at the hospital, and other legal stuffs I don’t quite remember… Erkkk

I want to get married for halal backhugs!!!hahahahaha

Kidding lol.

Why so secretive? 

I was the most open and transparent person you would have ever met, in the past. I never hesitate telling people my feeling, my thoughts, my plans and basically my everything.

I also blogged about my life!! And it was a hit and it was anonymous, I think. Whatever it is, I never thought one day I would become so secretive.

I have always offered updates of myself to people. Whether uploading what I cooked, updating how I feel, what I am up to on social medias. I did it with no regret and no pressure.Just by my own conscience.

Until, something happened. And it made me bitter. I never knew I have this side of me. I even deleted all my friends photos from my social medias. I promise to myself;  I will not post photos of friends on social media. Just because I don’t want the world to know too much about myself. 

Here is a secret,I really adore Liuwen

My mom is so secretive too. I tell you. Her tailor for 17 years just knew that my mom has 5 sons!! Hahahaha!! After 17 years of tailoring her clothes!! Meanwhile I was the person who would spill everything on the spot.


Here to a new start! To keep private things to ourselves and our loved ones.

Be selective on people whom you open up too. All the best!

Being Realistic With Financial Goals

I used to be very much deluded. It was when I was 16,I had this spirit to be a millionaire and even changed my fb user name to Tan Sri.I told my friend, Kim, that by 21 I will have rm1 million in my bank account.

When I was 18 I told my friend, Aida,that I would like to have two-storey bungalow as my first home.

I just didn’t get it. That today, wealth has been unevenly distributed. 1% of human population control 90% of wealth.

Thus, us, the commoners have to share the remaining 10%.In certain areas, they might don’t get even 1%.

I used to think that those stuffs I read are just stupid crap journalists wrote. Sigh. I might be just too blind.

We also, have become somewhat materialistic society. We measure people’s success by the amount of wealth they have accumulated.

To start with, my family is not rich. Even our extended family. Most of us are government officers, teachers and small businessmen.We own a few rubber and paddy plantations but you get it. We are nowhere rich, but we are not poor either alhamdulillah.

Now at 19,with small amount of money in my bank, I began to be realistic. I began to understand how hard it is to earn money and living. I began to understand why people kill for money.

With money, comes the power.

But of course it comes with sacrifices.

I want to be filthy rich was what 17-year-old me chanted everyday. I wanted to have my own lingerie line since I didn’t know any Malay who does that. (But my lecturer told me her cousin has her own lingerie line with gross income rm25k monthly)

You know why you become miserable as fuck (twitter people who have absurd liking of adding as fuck to every sentence,killing the creativity I must say)

It is because we have been deluded by the media we consumed. Those Kardashians with their own lines. Seriously? Don’t you know it is all just branding and capitalists’ gimmick? Yeah, you probably know but guiltily have to comform and buy because Kylie uses its!!! 

If she’s pretty, use anything still pretty. You ugly, use the same thing, might become a lil bit prettier. Okay fine, I know I am wrong on this part. I have seen those makeup videos where they transform an ugly girl into a beautiful and attractive girl.

You are fooled by those ads on media.

Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need.

Chuck Palahniuk

Skinny is beautiful. Fat? No problem! Try this slimming tea! Get liposuction and cosmetic surgery! Consume diet pills!

Fair is beautiful. Dark? No problem! Have this whitening sheets! Consume this collagen (even your own body has collagen but nvm have more so you can be white like those modelsssssss)

Well, you get it.Why I think this has nothing to do with the title?

I just don’t want to comform.I want to be realistic. Money is not everything. Well, I mean, I will work hard to earn money.

After graduating, I maybe not able to buy my own house. My first house might be a studio apartment, or a small apartment. My first car might be a second hand. I might  shop at bundle or thrift shop. I might eat at the roadside stalls.

I am finally being realistic.I know that you shouldn’t measure someone’s success from his amount of wealth but rather how much he has contributed.

But I would like to be rich, please.