I turned down a job offer that I really wanted

I have a lot in my mind, my mind seem to be a huge vacuum where all the thoughts are floating around. Sometimes they even race together which will result in me not feeling well.

So how’s life?

It’s the same. Ctrl C + Ctrl V. This semester I have 17 credit hour and I only have classes on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. But I also have extra-curricular activity on Saturday. I was thinking of working part time and had applied to a few shops around my college and campus, just now, I mean today’s afternoon, an employer contacted me and asked whether I could work on Saturday and Sunday. I thought for a few minutes and realised I had made some plans with my friends and turned down the offer.

I am so stupid.

Three minutes later I what’s apped him saying I can work, since I just realised that negotiation exists. He said that someone already filled in the post.

All in 3 minutes.

A damn 3 minutes.

180 seconds!

I lost an opportunity to earn RM64 per week in 3 minutes. RM64per week times by 4 that means RM256 per month.


Name a greater fool than me, please.

I wanna cry, now I have no income. Can I really have money for BTS if they come to Malaysia? What if BTS doesn’t come to Malaysia, do I have money to go outside of Malaysia? I am praying hard so that BTS comes to Malaysia and so that I could go there. If they don’t come to Malaysia, I pray that they come in September, October, November,December 2018 to Jakarta or Singapore.

The reasons why is I can confirm that I can work during my three months break, in sha Allah. I believe that I can work during that time and earn up to RM2K+ . In sha Allah.

My concern this year is whether I can attend BTS’s concert or not. I really hope I could. Mannn I really want!





I didn’t intent to abandon my safe haven and I hate giving excuse but really I am just not ready to pen down my thoughts online.In the last post, approximately almost 1 month ago , I told you guys I will go to China for a week , and I mentioned about JPA PIDN . Alhamdulillah I went to China for a week and c’est superrrrr!!! Also, alhamdulillah I secured JPA PIDN .



Life so far.. I would say better than I have imagined. The fact that I had recovered from my situational depression is a blessing itself and having my dreams fulfilled is another blessing God gives me. Alhamdulillah.

This semester we have a French lecturer , he is not a French but he is from Senegal and he speaks nothing but only French in his class. Can you imagine? I take this as a challenge to work harder on my French.

College activities is bearable , it will usually reach the peak where there are tonnes of activities in the second semester of the year . Which means , YOU DIE DIE DIE . I hope I will be able to make it , I will handle a program under my secretariat , I will handle all the paperworks for mobility in France (financial and stuff) and.. I don’t know what else will come. College dinner and award day also means lots of works and rehearsal until dawn. Crazy.

Family-wise , my mom got admitted to the hospital today. I spent the whole evening bawling , Told my bestie about this, tweeted and Ig-storied as well . Pray that my mom will be okay. My brothers are doing well , my sister will graduate in a year , my dad is doing fantastic . Alhamdulillah.

I hope everything goes well , and , hmm… I went to BTS Exhibition, #RECONTRERINMALAYSIA  last week. It was my first time and I had fun . Hope to be able to attend their concert on front row!


Hoping for more happy days , thank you Allah

A Kpop Trash

Today’s evening , my brother said to me that I am hantu kpop and then ran away while screaming ; Kakakku hantu kpop!!! . Wow, that would make a nice pop Malay novel .

I think kpop is extremely big nowadays , pretty much everyone has listened to kpop songs in the course of their lifetimes ; voluntarily or involuntarily. Even my cousins who hate kpop (because the boys are prettier than them XD ) recognised the songs I played when I tried to introduce my biases to em .

If you follow my social medias , you must be alarmed that I am now an ARMY hahahaha. Ew. I used to despise and look down at ARMYs because they are very loud and annoying . I knew BTS eversince their debuts , but of course I wasn’t a fan because ahm.. I stanned EXO and BTS beat EXO at awards . I was… quite foolish , as you could see. I should have stan this awesome group sooner!


well I tweeted this to them as soon as I read in an article that BTS actually read fans’ comments and tweets

Admittedly BTS used to annoy  me so much because they are everywhere and they keep producing albums , songs ,even do videos for fans. Question ; aren’t they tired?

However , later I realised. BTS doesn’t come from big company , they aren’t from the 3 big giants. They are from a small company , but they have a big dream. With that dream , (okay , maybe dreams ) they put their heads down and work extremely hard.  If this didn’t work out , they might as well have to forget their dreams . There is no plan B . They just need to push themselves and produce good contents for fans. They succeeded , I have to add. They made it to Billboard. They even won Top Social Artist Award at Billboard Music Award 2017 , that’s hugeeee . The first kpop group to win the award. Coming from very humble background , how could I not see them as an inspiration.



after 4 years , you managed to convert an anti into a fan :’)

Before this I only want to go Jaejoong’s concert , now I want to go to BTS as well. And it is a very bad news to my pocket that I am obsessed over a new group , posters and albums are expensive….

Please , grant me a scholarship.

#2 Letting Go

Disclaimer : This scrabble is very personal.I just think that it will be nice to share.You can call this – reminiscing old memories as a fangirl.

She’s a girl with old-scars,she’s a girl who is growing,she’s a girl who’s learning and above all she’s a girl.As simple as that.

Andi learnt that growing up means that you need to sacrifice a lots of things and growing up to means that you need to let go of precious memories.In her case,she does not have much memories except for her share of musics.

Andi was 8 when she first knew kpop.It was 2005 and there weren’t many kpoppers as it is in 2015,give and take,it’s been 10 years.She knew a lot.She can recite all of the histories and facts straight from her heart.She is like a walking kpop dictionary and encyclopedias,plus she has a very good memory.

Andi places her head onto the pillow,she shuts her eyes and bites her lips.

“This is how it suppose to be.People grow up,people change and some things is never the same..I change too,for good.”

Andi still can remember the hours she spent in front of the PCs,reading allkpop,soompi as they are the Al-Quran.She was so obsessed that every inch of her room was filled with her favorite group posters – which apparently all the groups she listened to,minus the girl groups.She hated the girl groups – acting all giddy,cute and haha..it is just pure jealousy that they look very good.

In the old times,Andi spent most of her time scurrying in her rooms.Apart from kpop,she also listened to mainland Chinese,Taiwanese,Japanese and HK singers.Ohh she is still in love with Mandarin – she thinks that Mandarin is heck sexier than French-English-slang.

Andi can recall too how hard she cried when Dong Bang Shin Ki splitted and Double S disbanded.She bawled her eyes out and did not eat for 2 days. (heckk Andy really loves foods.foods is life).Now she is sure that the girls cried too when Luhan and Kris went solo.Just like her..and the old memories of her and DBSK and SS501 floods to her mind.

The bitchy Park Jung Min and beautiful Kim Jaejoong were definitely her favorites.She read everything about them,memorized every single song they sang and watched every single video they were in.She remembered squealing when Kim Jaejoong appeared almost shirtless in Mirotic – oh so sexy (later Jaejoong had forgotten to wear shirts in their concerts and so does other idols – they go shirtless with their chocolate abs and fangirls go gaga over it -___-)  and Park Jung Min was so hot in Unlock,Deja Vu and Love Ya.Another word today,the girls would say their ovaries exploded when idols make comeback or rookies debute.As for me I would like to declare that my ovaries are still there in its place and haven’t exploded even I’ve experienced a lots of excitements.

Kpop also taught her friendship and brotherhood.The beautiful videos of Super Juniors – 12 of those dorks and SHINee.They seemed so real.She laughed and felt like those dorks were there laughing with her too.

Every variety shows,banjun dramas Andi had watched without fail.Even the ones without english subtitles.She prided herself for understanding Korean,Mandarin and of course Japanese.But now,after she quitted kpop and other forms of entertainment she realised that her abilities had worn out.You rest you rust.

She realised one of the reasons why she did not have any close friends is because she does not know how to keep in touch with them.You know like she can talk to everyone and crack jokes every now and then but when she get home she will shut down the whole world and focused on certain things.She only got one best friend in her entire life,well first they started as trio but ended up as duo.She did not blame Nana though because she also did not do much to persevere the friendship.She just like living alone and doing things on her own.At times, she likes company.But too much company is annoying.

There are a lot of fun things in kpop,really.There are the MVs,the reality shows,the idols own shows,concerts,fanfics,artfics and lyric parodies.They are there to make you not feeling bored and Andi enjoyed all of them until she began to realise to one point – this is not what she wants.

Excessive entertainment is not good for the heart – for the heart is actually quenched for something else.This is what Andi discovered two years ago and she is only managed to stop a year ago.It is really hard because she literally grow up with kpop but with time she heals.

Sometimes,just to check what is going on – Andi logged into her youtube accounts and watch few kpop MVs and glad that she quitted already.The entertainment is getting dirtier – no more innocent songs,innocent dances and innocent idols.They are all tainted,sexy,sensual and capitalised for more money.

There is no such thing as real thing.

The truth hurts,the reality bites.

Andi just glad,really,she’s glad.

She have found good companions – although there is no guarantee that this one will last,and she have also found new hobby out of kpop.Although she knows that she remembers,it is not a bother.

We all grow and we all change.Andi might grow out of kpop,you might grow out of heavy metals and others might have left their false beliefs,ideologies,hobies of lifestyle.All to be a better person,a better muslim from yesterday.

(^^V ) (>…<) (Y.Y)
can you relate?ahaks.