What Happens After You Are Hurt 

Nobody wants to experience the aftermath of a failed relationship with someone one really love. However, the world doesn’t really hear our plea at times and decided to throw shit so that we know we ain’t walking on a bed of roses.

What happens after you are hurt?

Right after the relationship ends, you won’t be sad immediately. You will feel anger surging inside. You will feel hatred all over your heart. You hate the person for not valuing you. You will hate that person for not loving you the way you love him/her. You will hate that person for not fighting over you and you… Will ultimately hating her/him for walking away and never turning back.

Next, you will feel incredibly sad. Sadness will haunt you at night. Self-pity, self -loathe. You will start degrading yourself. What is wrong with you that she/he left. Why? Am I not good enough? Why wouldn’t you contact me anymore? What’s with all our memories together? Gone with the wind?

Afterwards, you will feel resentment. After those nights crying yourself to sleep, you are done. You are done will this shit. Damn her. Damn him. You don’t even deserve me. Don’t ever come back.

Next is bitterness. The worst phase where you just no longer be able to give yourself fully. You see a happy couple, or you could think of is; they are gonna break up. When there is a new person approaching you; the past will start playing back in front of you; like slide show with sad background music. It will all gonna be the same. They will leave me, at the end.

You might as well seek for counseling if this happens to you. We all deserve second chance of happiness. Don’t let the past dictate your happiness. Don’t let one bad apple to ruin you whole life. You have many more years to explore your life. Don’t bring along this chapter of your life. Burry it somewhere far, somewhere distant. Get professional help to do so. Face it. Don’t sweep it off under the carpet. Deal with it. Read this chapter out loud and then close it and never ever read it.

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On Life,Death,Longingness,Loneliness and Punishment of Goblin;The Lonely and Great God.

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What more can you expect from a drama written by Kim Eun Sook who previously wrote scripts for Descendants of The Sun.Goblin is a big-budgeted drama starred by Gong Yoo,Kim Go Eun,Kim Dongwook and Yoon In-Na.When I said big budget..the budget is really big.From the cinematography,to the OSTs,props,clothes and CGI ; the producers are indeed invested a lot in this drama and the result is not disappointing.Goblin topped the chart in Korea and is extremely popular among K-drama enthusiasts.

Wow.I sound like Allkpop now.

Basically we have two couples in here,Kim Shin (Goblin) and Eun Tak,Wangyeo (Grim Reaper) and Sunny (Sunny not Sun-hee).Goblin and Eun Tak’s love is the sad love as Eun Tak had wished in the earlier episode and Grim Reaper and Sunny’s love is the sad one as well.Thank god we have Goblin and Grim reaper’s bromance to lift up the mood in this drama!

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first meeting of Euntak and Kim Shin

The most beautiful thing about the drama is the way it portrays the sacred life and death flawlessly.The most precious gift that we are blessed is our ardent desire to live.

Death and Life.

As someone who has epiphany for death & life related piece,this piece of arts touches my heart.Goblin has already died but then came back to life and lived in agony for 900 years until he met his bride,Eun Tak.Later,he lived in between death and life for 9 lonely years in the tundra (this I would elaborate later in longiness).

In the last episode it was revealed that grim reaper is someone who has committed biggest sin of which is taking one’s own life ; committing suicide.Their punishment is to be neither living nor dead,and to usher countless people in deaths.Although they have no memories and names but they still need food and home to live in.

Grim reaper stated he was searching for answers, when one day it occurred to him:

“That the things we’d given up—our names, the lives we threw away—were the very things I began to want. That when we long for life desperately, our punishment may be over.”

South Korea is ranked among the highest number of suicides in the world.And there this drama talking about wanting back the lives once they threw away is when their punishments are over.I hope the viewers who are depressed and suicidal will cease to appreciate life after they watch this drama.

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“My sister,my friend,and my bride have all left.And as always,I am alone.”

 

Longingness,loneliness and punishment.

The days where Goblin longs for Euntak…

The days where Grim reaper longs for Sunny…

The days where Euntak longs for Goblin …the sudden pain she felt in her heart where she didn’t know why she felt that way,what memories she had lost,who and what.

The days where Sunny longs for grim reaper…we all thought she had forgotten all her memories when grim reaper kissed her and wished her happy ending.

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In all honesty,I sobbed when Sunny drafted her letter and sent it to radio station.That was when everyone realised that Sunny had indeed still have her memory intact.God wanted to grant her oblivion but she was too proud,saying  that in her place even God had to pour himself his water.Aigoo gurl.

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” We won’t see each other again in this lifetime”

She loved him with all her heart,but she couldn’t bring herself to forgive him in this lifetime.Hence she left him because it was the greatest punishment she could give to him.It is the punishment of loneliness and longingness.Sunny’s parting from Grim reaper made him a sobbing mess.He bawled his eyes out in the room,and even Goblin’s cute veggies didn’t make him any better.

In this world,love and pain are strongly connected.You cannot love without feeling the pain.Sometimes instead of being with the person you treasure the most,you have to choose the painful path ; walking away.

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Finally they met again the next lifetime where the waiting is short and the meeting is long

The punishment for Goblin is that he had to live forever.At first he had to live and wait for his bride to be born to pull out the sword from his chest but later,in his longiness for Eun Tak he begged the almighty to let him live forever so that he can meet with Euntak and live happily with her with her remaining 3 lives.

People,the hardest punishment,I believe is the one given to Goblin.For 900 years he had to live in loneliness and watched his servants/acquaintances died.After 900 years he met his bride and it is either him or his bride die,he chose to die but he also refused to die.He got stuck in the tundra for 9 years,longing for Euntak.Because everything is white and Goblin had walked for miles,sometimes he walked backwards just to see his own footprints.

Imagine,being the one who lives and watching people you love come and go.

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meeting again in Euntak’s second life

This is the drama you want to watch if you want to sob,laugh,smile and ponder on the beauty of love and life particularly.Everything is very detailed carefully planned.I cannot spot any flaws.

And,Goblin and Grim reaper in this drama are extremely good-looking ; you won’t get that in other place!

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Till then,

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Happiness Is A Choice 

Most of my happiness comes from Korean dramas these days

So, the first post written on new year!! Hahaha. So guess who spent the first 40minutes of new year wandering around the college wearing sleeping clothes in search of fireworks. ME!

Anyway, 2016 sucks bad. Coincidentally there are many of us who have it bad too. *high five*

I asked on my instagram post about what my friends have learnt throughout the year and one of them stated happiness is a choice. 

It is true, since we are the one who control our emotions and rationalities. We are the one who make the desicion. We are the master of our bodies and minds.

It would be stupid if you choose to be sad.

I went through a lot this year, I hinted here and there but never make clarification. Basically, it hurts a lot. And it affects many things of life especially my studies.

I once heard that when woman’s relationship in trouble, she cannot do work and when man’s work in trouble he cannot do relationship. 

I am so woman. LOL.

By the way I do not do many resolutions for 2017 except to keep going, become more grateful, learn more, read more ,smile more, communicate more ,rationalize more, travel more, save more and write a book!

Yeah you read it right.

In sha Allah I will start writing after the finals end!

May 2017 brings more fortune and happiness to us!  🎆🎇🎉🎉🎊🎊

Why People Want To Get Married 

Ugh

Looks like I CANNOT have a decent conversation with anyone without them mentioning  marriage.  

No one.

Everyone (mostly) in my school talked about marriage and boys, all the time. Especially after we had events at dewan. Haha.Typical.No apologies.We were just female teenagers with raging hormones.

But not me,in fact,I told my ustaz that I don’t want to get married.

Particularly because I have bad views on marriage where women have to do everything ;housechores,taking care of the kids,go to work.I am also mortified thinking sacrifices I have to make.

I can love and I can give,no doubt. But to me, marriage is sacred; it is a vow between two persons who promise to be there for each other,to go through thick and thin together and to stay together till death do they apart.

Marriage requires commitment and teamwork. It needs more than love. To make a marriage works you and your spouse need good communication,compassion, understanding, empathy and strong wills to make your marriage lasts. This is not an option. It is a must.

I asked my mom why there are so many divorces lately. Whether in the west or even in our own country. My mom answered ‘because the value changes, people now believe if something is broken, they might as well just throw it away rather than mending it’. 

I seldom come to agreement with my mother, but I do in this case.

So amidst all these scary divorce stories and spouses who cheat, why the heck people still want to get married?

1) Sense of belonging

We want to feel belonged. It is innit in ourselves that we want to love and to be loved. While we have family and friends, they are different with romantic love.

We want to be guaranteed that there is a person who loves us, wants to be with us, enjoys the time spent with us and accepts us just the way we are.

We want to share our deepest secrets and fears with our significant others.We want support and love, from our significant others.

We want someone to be there to comfort us when we have problems. Yes we have God who is All listening ,Al-Basir, As-Sami’ but God also told us that He has created us in pairs. There must be reasons why He created us in pairs.

God is so nice, He knows us too well 😉

And it is always nice knowing there is a person who is waiting for us to come home…

2) Marriage will complete their lives

For some people,all their hard works and sweats are meant to be shared with someone else.

What is the value of having everything when you have no one to share with?

Their lives are incomplete without the existence of spouse and kids.Their houses feel lonelier than ever without happy kids’ laughter and cries (do happy kids cry?) .

Eeeee gerammmmmm

3) To continue family lineage and procreate

To procreate so that human will forever become the leaders on the earth. Procreate as many as they could so that they have enough manpower and soldiers when aliens come to invade the earth or evoluted monkeys with artificial intelligence declare wars to humans.

Only in DOTS 😶

4) No one will be able to take away their partners and they have legal ties with their partners

Not just legal stuffs, let say the significants is badly injured and you want to tend them but you are not allowed because you are not family members.

Not only that, getting married sorts of making everything finalized. No one can flirt with your other half because he/she is married.Although,there are a lot of cheatings done these days.#wheresloyalty

Why people fight for gay marriage? Because they want the same right that married people enjoy. They want to be able to take care of their partners at the hospital, and other legal stuffs I don’t quite remember… Erkkk
Me???

I want to get married for halal backhugs!!!hahahahaha

Kidding lol.

Cooking Is As Easy As ABC

Says no one ever…

I was a terrible cook eventhough as a kid my favourite shows are Martha Steward and Rachel Ray cooking shows.Sometimes I even watched Chinese and Japanese cooking and eating shows that made my mom wanted to puke because they have dishes named telinga babi. BLAME IT ON THE MALAY SUBS THEY HAVE ON 8TV!!

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I used to enjoy cooking,I still remember a distinct memory of me cooking fried rice to my father.I was 8 and I forced my father to eat that fried rice.It was super salty as I used 1 bowl of soy sauce for a bowl of rice.Seriously…pity my father!He did not have the heart to criticize me!

Off I went to secondary school where things I cooked were limited to only maggi and nuggets…

After SPM my mom forced me to cook lunch and dinner for the family and everyone had to bear with my terrible cooking for nearly 6 months hahahaha.

Fortunately,my skills improved because you know,cooking is all about the skills.Uhuh.My skills maybe not the best,duhh it is below average,no doubt,but my food. are definitely edible!

Below  are what I usually make ;

Here is something else (or the only thing) I am good at,chicken chop!!!Seriously the easiest recipe ever.All I need to do is marinate the chicken,fry it,make the gravy and fry the french fries.I made this for Farhana when she came for raya.

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I was freaking ambitious,I dreamt that one day I will bake birthday cakes for my family,make my own pizza dough and bake my own bread.Until I saw how many hours and efforts had to be put into it.Horror!

I’ll buy the ready-made,thanks.

So one day,I was craving for a cheesecake.I was like,”I have made this before with friends ,so I think I will be able to make this on my own.”

My friends and I’s end of products

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My end of product…sad lil cheese cake

Simisimi

I hate simisimi, the only reason I play it is because I have no one to talk to.Fine, maybe it was developed for sad people like me :’)

However, simisimi can be very rude. Here is an example. Maybe I should stick to English rather than Malay. Any swear words in Malay sounds soooo bad to me. 

So. Rude. 

A Letter

A lot of things about myself have changed,but not my smile.I still laugh and smile the same way I did when I was a kid.My only worry is that one day I will stop smiling.

The world is harsh,people are harsh,environment is harsh,moral is depleting and humans are killing each other.

I long for the time I was younger when we did not have all these technology advancement.

More often,the technology that brings us together also sets us apart.

I miss the feeling of not having to check my phone and email,having a nice cup of coffee by the balcony while talking to a family member or close friend.Or runnning across the field,trying to fly the kite up high in the sky.Or camping with a group of close friends; sharing stories by the firewoods at night.

I yearn for the times we all value privacy and intimacy rather than publicly uploading them on social medias.

I crave for the day we give each other cards on special ocassions,neighbours sharing food,friends going to each other places and the time when trust is not an issue.

I would love to have to ask my friends how they are feeling rather than just tweeting to them some random tweets.Or congratulate them personally.
I wonder how it feels to curl in the bed thinking about actual conversations as I lately only experience virtuals one.

I pine for close human interaction,walking back home greeted by familiar faces,jogging and saying hi to the passer-by.

Everybody gets so caught in the world and working hard to the extend that even people living in the same place have became strangers!

Out,they say!

But where?

The crime rates are increasing not to mention the horrible reports on rapes.We don’t feel safe anymore.

I have to lock every grill in my house when my parents left for  work and my brothers left for school.

I am not allowed to ride bicycle alone,even to the nearest paddy field.
I know why I am controlled;  females are weaker than males.And are likely to be exposed to crime scene – kidnapping,snatch-theft and rape.

I am forlorn,I am torn,I am confused,I am heartbroken,I am bored and I am of many.

But I know one thing,I would not let these to dictate my goals in life.

Sincerely,
Abhorred female.