2016,well,to begin with was an unkind year to me.Though I shed tears a lot last year,I learnt many things.Truthfully,hard times always expose who your true friends are and those who genuinely care for you.I cannot thank Allah more than this,alhamdulillah.
What happened to me last year kind of turning me into a heartless mean girl.I just realised a few days ago that I smiled less.No wonder I had so much little energy left. :’)
These are two incidents that made me realised what kind of person I have turned to be.
First incident :
I was in my second session with my counselor when he asked me “Do you believe it,Khadijah, if I said that I will be richer if I give you rm1k.“
Chuckling,I promptly replied “Of course not,why giving away money will make you richer?“
He smiled and replied, “There you go,you have to give first in order to receive.That is the nature’s law.“
Second incident ;
I was waiting to get into waiting gate since I arrived at the TBS tad bit too early T_T then I decided to scroll the instagram rather than reading a novel I bought at BBW because it was the most convenient way since my bagpack was very much packed.
Later,from the corner of my eyes I noticed an old man,wearing old clothes and on a wheelchair was approaching everyone asking for money.I frowned.Why is he here?Why is he allowed to beg here?
He approached.Ah,nightmare.I frowned,again.Pretended not to see him.He was still there,waiting for me to give a few ringgits.I sighed.
I then gave him RM2 and he went somewhere else.
Then..I reflected on myself.
Wow,I am a bitch now.I frown at people.I am afraid to give just a few ringgit.I don’t want to share my rezeki with others.How much is it a few ringgit anyway?Why I need to act up all bossy like that?Well,who I am anyway?I am no one.So why I feel and act like a brat?
I analysed myself.
Prejudice. There are so many scams now that I am afraid that I might give my money 9or my parents’ money obviously) to the syndicate.
I simply don’t want to.I remember distinctly last year,I cried while what’s apping my friend,we weren’t close honestly but like I said earlier,hard times reveal your true friends.I told her that I am tired of being kind and I don’t want to be kind anymore.Kind people get hurt a lot.I am tired of it.
She lectured me,she said even Rasulullah got hurt but he still be kind.Remember the blind jew he fed everyday,the jew spat curses regarding him without knowing the one feeding him was the prophet S.A.W himself.
“There,that is how you treat people.Never stoop low.yes,you are hurt,but that doesn’t give license for you to hurt others as well.You are using this as an excuse to get away with unkind attitude.This is not you.”
2017,I will be a kinder version of myself.To always smile and never hesitate to offer help without asking for things in return,in sha Allah.
2016,the year that I forgot how to be kind.